• Sunmisola Adeyemi

Myself, The sabotage, and Rest

I sat in front of my laptop to contemplate writing about self-sabotage or rest. These topics are two themes that have been floating in my mind. First, humans in all of our wisdom and splendor make very dumb choices that sabotage our own lives. It is so radical it makes me cringe. It is like witnessing someone use a generous amount of superglue as hair gel! Second, rest! In a world that advocates the value of doing stuff, I too started this community to gather people who want to do stuff with their lives and maximize their God-given potentials. However, to pursue getting "stuff" done and being busy is very distinct from pursuing purpose. So instead of following the fire in my bones and rambling in about 3000 words about how self-sabotage will sabotage you—yes! pun intended--I decided to choose rest by writing about rest instead.

Rest! What is it with this dispensation that believes productive work must equal an abused mental state, depleted health, and an overworked body?

I am a staunch advocate of being a productive person but, I have realized over time that there is a line between leading an enjoyable, complete, and high-yielding life and living to only yield results. I hope this does not inspire you to quit your time-consuming job or a project you are working on. Work is good, and the rest I am advocating for does not equate laziness, neither is it superficial or self-imposed. It is fresh, true, and very pure. This is the kind of rest you might not have even if you slept for many hours, it is deeper--more like rest for you, the real you, like rest for your soul.

Rest! What does it reveal about our state of mind? Does resting dig out insecurities? Do insecurities dig out work? Does my need to work dig out something that negates grace? Why does the rest I yearn for some time seem ludicrous? I bluntly say to myself, "I have not achieved anything today" when what I truly mean to say is "All I did today is rest, so I have not achieved anything!" Perhaps, I prefer being busy to embracing my limitations as a human being. What am I chasing in this world? What is chasing my heart, chasing my soul from resting? Not the kind of rest I plan, but the type I am led to embrace. This rest is not of my free will or plan but one my heart invites me to.

For passionate people, like most of us in this community, rest feels like a betrayal of purpose. We struggle with the idea of just resting, not doing, not striving, not pursuing anything, just being there, stuck with our thoughts and feelings. It becomes uncomfortable when we allow our emotions to be felt rather than merely carrying them around. We are petrified by a short pause, vulnerable to connect with who we are, to laugh at our thoughts, to embrace self-awareness. The choice of self over stuff helps shun the barging outsider, shutting the door of our minds to wandering thoughts, thus inviting the untampered child in us to flourish, that's staying connected to our best selves. We wrestle with rest, but rest just leans in, it invites us, it waits patiently for us.

Maybe we fight rest to prove ourselves, but I do not know why we need to prove our worth, even to ourselves. I do hope we open up to genuine rest. Self-sabotage comes in many forms, ignoring that the deep rest described above----not rest from physical work but a deep, soul rejuvenating kind of rest----is sabotage in itself.

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